Holden's future
by EtakSppe
Summary: Holden is 21 and married to Evie, who lives with her young son Tommy. After a fight, he goes back to Jane and then goes to find Phoebe. Just an excerise to see if I could capture Holden's narrative. :


**Hey this is basically a little bit of a story containing Holden Caulfield. It doesn't have anything to do with the story really: you don't have to have read the book to get the gist of it is what I mean. It was basically for me to see if I could capture Holden's voice so I could use it in my original works, since the character I have in mind would probably be a lot like him. Reviews and comments are welcome - I need to know what I should improve on to get it just right. I've read some great ones on , they're really good! :)**

**The story is basically set a few years after CitR, and Holden is married (although only 21) to Evie (my own character), who has this little son, Tommy (also my own creation).**

**Unfortunately, I don't own Catcher in the Rye or Holden or Jane. :D**

"Why are you so angry at the world?" Evelyn was near screaming at me now. She stood directly opposite me and clenched her jaw, the way ol' Phoebe used to when she didn't get her way. Boy, I knew I was in for a helluva fight. "What is it about life that always gets your back up?" she crossed her arms and kinda narrowed her eyes. Then, for some reason she unclenched her jaw and her face went all soft again. "Is it me?" and she just looked at me.

"Look, Evelyn..." I started. Her eyes filled with tears, and there's anything more depressing than seeing your wife cry when you really love her. You get all choked and then you can't talk to comfort her.

"Is it Tommy?" she said, her eyes still all wet. "Is it because he's not yours?"

"No," I said, but before I could start talking she left the kitchen and went into the dining room, where Tommy was sitting watching the TV with a candy bar in his hand. He wasn't paying attention to what he was doing, and the candy bar kept hitting his cheeks. It nearly killed me. "Tommy," she called. "Come over here." She just had little Tommy stand by her while she carried on at me. It killed me. "Is it Tommy? Is that why you don't love me?" It was depressing as hell: she was standing there still in her goddamn apron. You'd think she'd have taken it off to argue with me. I couldn't take her seriously when she looked like my mother. "Or..." she said, breaking off a little, "...is there another woman? Is that why you don't pay me any attention?"

Although Evelyn has been my wife for a year, I can't help thinking about my old neighbour, Jane, and how she was the only one who seemed to really... _get_ me. "You know it's not you." I said. I was trying to be reassuring and all, but it came out bad as hell. It sounded like I was trying to say that it _was_ her.

"Maybe you should just leave." Evelyn said. I was kinda depressed that she let Tommy see me get kicked out of the house and all, but ol' Evie didn't seem to think anything of it. I was starting to regret marrying so young. But hey, when you're 21 you don't really think about being kicked outta the house a year after the honeymoon. I figured I'd go back to my parent's house, since they were only a few blocks away. Hopefully they wouldn't be in, so I could go see if ol' Jane was home.

"I love you, Evie," I said, as she slammed the door in my face, tears streaking down her face. I felt real bad for her – she wouldn't let me apologise for whatever I had done, but she was also gonna have to look after Tommy tonight too. I wouldn't get to read to him, either. Reading to kids is real important, because they learn about the world outside of their own houses, you know? It doesn't matter if that kid is your wife's kid from back when she was 16 and she got pregnant because of some phony jerk who told her they'd get married.

It was dark outside, so I checked my watch: 7pm. If luck was on my side, my parents would have gone out for dinner or to the movies and only Phoebe would be home. Then I could tell her about Evie and Tommy. I headed over to their place in the dark, cutting through the park to get there quicker. While I was in the park, I watched some leaves fall from some old tree. It made me depressed as hell to think about the leaves falling from the trees and death and all.

My luck was looking up because there was no-one home at my parents' but there were lights on at Jane's. Although I was kinda upset about not seeing Phoebe, I was glad to be able to see my ol' pal Jane. I knocked on the door twice and her crummy stepfather answered the door reeking of booze. "Yeah?" he said. What a bastard. No wonder ol' Jane hated him.

"I'm Holden, one of Jane's friends," I said. I didn't want to introduce myself formally to him, but he looked at me kinda weird.

"Yeah, I know you." He said, looking me up and down outta his beady little eyes. He called back into the house but wouldn't let me in. "Jane!"

Jane came to the door. She was still a knock-out. "Holden!" she said, all surprised. It had been about two years since we'd last seen each other, so I guess I could see why she wasn't expecting me. "How are you... couldn't you have called?"

"Jane," I said. "Evie's kicked me outta the house." I stood there on the porch and she closed the door behind her, so she was on the porch too, like she didn't want her parents to know I was there. She flung her arms around me like they do in the movies when they're all reunited and everything's good again.

Right when she was about to pull away, Jane held her hands on the back of my goddamn neck, like she used to when we were teenagers. It got me thinking about the summer we spent together as kids – our golfing, going to the movies, playing checkers. I started to wonder if she still kept all her Kings in the back. "Oh, Holden," she sighed. "I'm so sorry. What now?" The way she said 'what now' made me depressed as hell, like my life was over or something. That's the thing about ol' Jane – she can't just live in the moment.

"Can I stay over?" I asked. I knew I shouldn't stay with Jane and I should stay with my parents. Ol' Evelyn would be sure to kill me if she found out I was staying over at another girl's when she threw me outta the house.

"Sure," she said, straight away. "Anything you need." Right then she pulled her arms away so we were standing at a distance from each other, but she kept her hands on my neck, like we were a couple of goddamn love-struck teenagers. She was staring into my eyes and all, and then suddenly she leaned forward and kissed me – a proper movie kiss and all, on the porch in the dark summer night. Unfortunately, our little phony movie moment was ruined by my wife, who happened to be running – well, teetering, since she was wearing goddamn heels for some reason – to my parents' house, obviously after me.

"HOLDEN MORRISEY CAULFIELD!" Evie screamed at me from the street. I pulled away from Jane and stared at Evie, my mouth open. _Great,_ I thought to myself. _Girls ignore me my whole life and now that I'm goddamn married they're falling over themselves._

I sighed. "I'm going for a walk," I said, raising my hands.

"Where the hell do you think you're going?" Evie yelled after me, as I walked past her.

"I don't know," I called back. "I'm going to find Phoebe." I was going back to the one person on the whole goddamn planet I could talk to. I knew that if she wasn't at home, she'd be with her new boyfriend, some fancy educated guy she'd met at school. He was a little older than her and already had his own place. I knew where he lived, so I figured I'd head over there. He was only a few blocks away. I didn't go through the park this time – I really didn't wanna pass those trees again.

"Holden?" he asked when I knocked on the door to his apartment. "Come in...Phoebe? Your brother's here."

"Holden?" she said, getting up from the couch to come see me. "What's happened? Why didn't you call?" What was it with girls and me calling them before I came over? Why couldn't I just show up when I wanted?

"Evie kinda kicked me outta the house," I sighed. "I need somewhere to stay for the night. Can I stay with you?" I must've looked a mess, since she looked to her boyfriend – Christopher? – and he nodded and then walked into the kitchen to get coffee or something.

"What happened?" Phoebe asked, sitting me down and balancing on the arms of the couch. That killed me – she wouldn't even sit next to me on the couch.

"We just had a fight, but for some reason she threw me outta the goddamn house."

"I'm sorry Holden," Phoebe said.

"I was so sure I loved her, you know... but what _is_ love? Do I love Evie? Do I love Tommy? Do I love Jane?" I started thinking about little Tommy and how he only had his mother and me, and how we had always tried to shelter him against things like fights. Now he knew the horrible truth.

"Love is... when you tell someone something bad about yourself but they love you anyway. No, they love you _more_." Phoebe smiled at me. "Love is... a little old woman and a little old man kissing. If you want to love better, you should start with someone you don't like. You could go apologise, for example..."

I stood up from her couch just as Christopher came back into the room with a tray full of coffees. "Where are you going?" Phoebe asked.

"I'm going to find Tommy." I said. "I've got some catching to do."


End file.
